I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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