After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
