im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
