Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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