So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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