i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
