If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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