im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
