i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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