I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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