Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
