There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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