you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
