Yo dont text me then not text me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
