My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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