Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am mentally ready for anal.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
