If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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