just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
