i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
