She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
