I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
