Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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