when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
