She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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