Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
