I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
