Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
