He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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