You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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