the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
