just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
