He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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