I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm like, not good at living.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
