We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
