actually, I'm a sock model
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
