My brain says no but my pants say off.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
