Soap is not a condiment
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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