Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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