She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Rumble strips road head = magical
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
