I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
