she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
