the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
