So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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