so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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