My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
