If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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