I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
