You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
