Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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