when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
