so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
this is an emotional support booty call
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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