if i can run in heels then i can drive
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize