Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
