You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
