with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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