I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
