It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize