At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
