You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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