Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
even my farts smell like vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize