Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize