suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
