White coat. Heels.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
