I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dear god my vagina.
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