This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Two words: blizzard sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
