Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
