just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
