They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
