Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
