hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize