He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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