I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
