I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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