You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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