dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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