A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
