You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
