i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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