Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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