I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
