I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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