dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize